The Modern-Day Bennet Family

There are 4 females in my original family-my older and younger sisters, my mother, and myself. Currently we are all single and quite eligible ladies, though I am the only one engaged to be married. I feel we are somewhat like a modern-day Bennet family, like from Jane Austen's Pride & Prejudice. The talk around the table-morning, noon, and night-is about boyfriends and husbands and men and boys. My ideas about such things are generally classic, dating from a pre-feminist movement sort of view. And being the strongest introvert among the four of us, I tend to keep my ideas to myself. I've tried mentioning a thing or two, but it is usually drowned out by the fiercely dominant of the bunch. So I pray that my marriage will speak for itself.

Anyways, I've noticed something in recent conversations. It's a quite unfair observation. It's that, in this generation of women, we expect to be loved unconditionally while expecting the men in our lives to change whatever is necessary to please us. For example, if he asks me to change my haircut or attitude, I'd better run the other way because he has no right to "control" my life. However, it is my "loving duty" to point out to him when his behavior or quirks are disappointing.

As much as we try to claim "equality" with men, there is always a felt need to prove ourselves as women. So when we are asked to change in a certain area, there is an uncomfortable tension inside us that asks, "Is this just the beginning? What other part of me is he going to try to control?" Desperate not to lose our sense of individuality and equality, we induce the silent treatment, yell, sulk, manipulate, withhold, doubt, question, or leave...until he just lets us be who we want to be. But when we find one tiny little inkling of a disagreeable nature in our man, we expect him to change...because, after all, he loves me...right?